Five Times
by scgirl-317
Summary: There were five times Lee Adama lost Kara Thrace, and one time he didn't. Series of episode tags spanning all four seasons.
1. Search and Rescue

Title: Five Times

Author: scgirl_317

Genre: Romance, with a plentiful helping of Angst

Summary: There were five times Lee Adama lost Kara Thrace, and one time he didn't. Series of episode tags spanning all four seasons.

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><p><span>Search and Rescue<span>

_Tag for "You Can't Go Home Again"_

Shot down.

Those words repeated in his head, over and over like a broken record. Shot down, but not destroyed.

Not destroyed.

That meant there was still hope. This was Starbuck after all. She had pulled off crazier stunts and lived. If she survived this then that meant she was running out of oxygen. Time was running out. He wasn't leaving until they found her.

His one consolation, when he actually stopped to think about it, was that his father was as driven as he was to rescue her. Despite Tigh's grumbling and the President's gentle prodding, he refused to jump the fleet.

Lee was no better, and he knew it. The pilots were starting to cast glances at him that were usually reserved for the mentally unstable. The constant rotation of SAR birds was wearing them down, him doubly so, as he appointed himself double shifts. And the constant flight was doing nothing to help their fuel reserves. Tylium wasn't exactly an abundant commodity, and yet, the Adamas were spending it like it was going out of style.

They were teetering on the edge. He knew it. Everyone else knew it. But there was nothing he could do about it. People were starting to cast sideways glances in the corridors, whispering how the Adamas had lost it over Starbuck. He knew they thought he was crazy. He knew they thought his father was crazy.

He didn't give a flying frak what they thought.

He refused to give up until they found her, alive or… Nope that was it. She was alive, and he would continue to believe so until he was presented with her corpse.

Racetrack took pity on him and suggested he try to get some rest. He proceeded to tell her to frak off and get her raptor in the air before he had her locked in the brig. He would have to remember to apologize for that, later.

All he could think about was finding Starbuck.


	2. Collapse

Collapse

_Tag for "Kobol's Last Gleaming"_

He blinked. He had to have imagined it. There was no frakking way she had just jumped the raider. What in the name of all that was holy would have possessed her to do something so insane?

His question was answered after he landed his viper. Roslin.

Of course. It had to be the frakking president behind this.

His father was furious. Not only had Roslin sent Starbuck on a suicide mission, she'd done it with the only leg up they had on the Cylons. As CAG, Lee was ticked about that, but it was hardly the focus of his anger.

Kara was gone. Again.

This time he had no SAR operation to occupy his time. This time, he stood by and watched as his father fumed over Roslin's going behind his back. Though Lee definitely didn't agree with her, he didn't think his father was right in ordering her arrested. Militarily removing Roslin from office would be all but declaring martial law, something his father claimed to abhor.

The one constant in his mind as things spiraled out of control was that Kara was gone. Not necessarily dead, definitely missing, and enduring lords knew what on Caprica. As he stood in the brig screaming for someone to at least take the frakking restraints off, a part of his mind stayed on Kara. He wondered how long it would be before she returned. If she returned. Things were becoming less and less certain.

One thing remained steadfast, however. He knew that if she didn't come back, a part of him would forever be lost with her.


	3. Betrayal

Betrayal

_Tag for "Unfinished Business"_

She got married this morning.

Lee felt like someone had punched him in the gut. All of the air suddenly left his lungs. It was all he could do not to double over in front of his father. The elder Adama had that big smile on his face, completely oblivious to the agony his son was in. Lee didn't think it was possible to have your heart removed, and yet still live.

He ventured a look at his father, and saw _them_ walking through the camp. He slowly approached them, turning over in his head the things he wanted to do. He wanted to hit her, scream at her… demand that she kill him. For that is what she had done. He had offered her his heart, and she tossed it away like this morning's breakfast.

He forced a civil look as Sam related the morning's events. He managed to keep his grief from his face, but it was in his eyes. He could tell by the way she reacted to him. She could see what she had done, and he let her.

He walked away knowing he had lost her again. Not by the Cylons, and not by some stupid suicide mission, but by her own admission. He didn't just lose her, she _left_ him. She left, and after the night they'd had, the things they'd said.

Fine. If that was the way she wanted it, then that was the way it would be. Kara Thrace obviously didn't need Lee Adama in her life, so why bother?

With a determined stride and a set jaw, he promptly walked up to Dee and asked her to marry him. He'd show Kara. He'd show her he didn't need her either.

But a voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that he did.


	4. Gone

Gone

_Tag for "Maelstrom"_

"She's gone."

He could hear himself choking out the words, but it didn't feel like him saying them. There was no way it was possible, and yet he had seen it with his own eyes. Starbuck's viper was gone. Kara was gone. He couldn't believe it, and yet it was the only thing that could explain the encompassing pain he felt radiating through his limbs.

Somehow, he wasn't sure how, he landed his viper. He pulled off his helmet as the canopy was retracted, and slowly stood from the cockpit. He stepped onto the ladder, getting almost to the bottom before losing his footing and falling the rest of the way onto the hangar deck.

He laid there for several moments before attempting to pick himself up. When he did, he felt a pair of hands reach for him and help him to his feet. He looked up, and he saw Helo, tears welling in the other man's eyes. Of course, Helo had been on maintenance duty when they had launched the CAP. The deck crew would have been alerted and tuned in to the pilots' wireless as soon as Kara had spotted the heavy raider. They all knew what had happened.

"Lee," Agathon softly spoke, one of the few times he had called Lee by his given name, and not his last name or call sign.

That one syllable was more than Lee could handle, and he broke down. He found himself enveloped in the taller man's arms, both grieving for the woman they had loved, though differently.

Kara was gone. For good, this time. There could be no coming back, the way her viper had exploded.

This time he had indeed lost her forever.


	5. Journey's End

Journey's End

_Tag for "Daybreak"_

Lee glanced around the field. She was gone. She had not walked away, she'd just… vanished.

Somehow, it wasn't what he'd expected. When she'd said that she was leaving, somehow he knew she'd pull something like this. And, strangely, he was okay. That was what he didn't quite get.

After all these years, finally they had a place to call home. Finally, they could set aside the rules and regulations—not that Starbuck had paid much attention to the rules in the first place. Finally, they could be together. Things were finally turning in their favor, and she left.

He could get not wanting to stay somewhere when your time there was done. It was why he had resigned his commission and left _Galactica_. So he could understand her leaving, in that light.

There was no point in stirring things up more than necessary. There was nothing he could do. So with a resolute nod and a watery smile, he turned for the encampment.

"Goodbye, Kara. You won't be forgotten."

Once again, he had lost her. Oddly enough, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. It was just the way things were.

He caught Karl's eye when he returned to the camp, the other man silently asking where Kara was. All Lee offered was a single shake of the head. Karl's shoulders dropped, but he managed to offer a concerned glance. Lee shrugged in response, letting Agathon know he was okay. Relatively.

He knew he would never fully get over her.

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><p><em>AN: So I hope you've enjoyed all the angsty stuff, 'cause the next chapter is much happier. You know me, I can never write anything that's so depressing without giving it a happy ending. I would also like to take this time to say that I really enjoyed writing this-character studies are always fun for me to write-and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well. So stay tuned for the finale!_


	6. Aurora's Gift

Aurora's Gift

_Post "Daybreak"_

It had been a year since he had lost his father and Kara both in the same day. He had managed to get by, ignoring the concerned glances everyone gave him. Karl had made it his personal mission to make sure he was alright, though it was apparent that Lee was doing little more than surviving. His father's departure pained him deeply, but he reconciled himself to the fact that it was what his father wanted. Kara, on the other hand… While he had resigned himself to the fact that she was gone, the throbbing ache that had settled in would not go away.

As the anniversary drew near, Lee became fidgety. The settlement seemed to close in around him. He knew he needed to get away for a little while. He packed a bag and set out one morning, headed for the mountains. There was a lake about a day's walk from the settlement that he hoped would offer the quiet he needed.

His third day there marked one year exactly. Lee sat on the sandbar that jutted out into the water from the shore, watching as the surface rippled from each rock he threw in. With each stone came a new memory. Meeting Kara at his brother's apartment and the drunken double dog dare later that night. The Colonial Day Dance. The kiss when she returned from Caprica. The night in the desert on New Caprica. Flying alongside her viper in the nebula. Years of memories flowed, one after the other, blending together, creating a kaleidoscope of images that were ingrained in his mind.

He felt, rather than saw, a figure approach. The shadow moved until it mirrored his. He knew whose it was, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had finally lost it. A year of simply existing had taken its toll, and he was now seeing things. He was now officially as frakked up as Baltar.

"Hi, Lee," the apparition said, and Lee honed in on the memory of the nebula. He had been in disbelief, then. Now he could only shake his head at the sense of déjà vu he was having.

"I shoulda been nicer to Baltar," he muttered, still not looking to his side.

"Excuse me?" came the response, and Lee could picture the confused look on Kara's face.

"He's the only other person I know of who knows how it feels to be insane," he explained, even as he wondered _why_ he was explaining something to a figment of his imagination. "And now I'm talking to myself."

"I'm real, Lee," she intoned.

"You're a real _hallucination_," he corrected.

"Flesh and blood," she insisted. "I'm back for good."

Lee whipped his head to the side, finally meeting Kara's eyes. He wanted to be mad at her, rail at her for leaving _yet again_. He wasn't sure he could take losing her again. But as he looked into her eyes, somehow, he knew she was telling the truth, and all of his anger melted away.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had launched himself at her, capturing her lips with his own. He threaded his hands through her hair, holding her to him. Desperation and pent up frustrations were all unleashed as he gently pushed her back on the sand, his mouth moving down along her jaw and neck to a spot below her ear that he remembered drove her wild. As expected, she gasped loudly, arching her neck to give him better access. Clothes were somehow discarded, though he didn't remember removing them.

Three years of passion, angst, desire, and remorse were wiped away as they joined. Neither had any intention of going slow, and it was mere minutes before they came crashing together, out of breath and unable to move.

Their heart rates slowly returned to normal, and they gradually regained the feeling in their limbs. Lee slowly rolled to Kara's side, and she curled up next to him. He flashed back to New Caprica, and decided that this far out did it. There was no Dee and no Sam to get in their way, and he slightly regretted that thought since both were dead. Though there was one thing that nagged at him.

"Why?" he asked.

She knew he was asking why she had come back, not why she had left, and she answered in kind, "You."

At his confused look, she explained, "I tried staying away. I thought it was what I was supposed to do. But I was miserable. Apparently, I can't live without Lee Adama."

Lee smiled at her, "I know the feeling. Life without Kara Thrace isn't much of a life."

Kara leaned up and planed a soft kiss on his lips. "This feels familiar," she said softly.

He knew she was speaking of New Caprica, and that dampened his mood considerably. The joy he had felt after their night of passion in the desert had been destroyed when he found out she had gotten married the next morning. A part of him feared he was in for a repeat.

Kara seemed to sense what he was thinking, and a wide grin spread across her face. She gave him a firm but brief kiss, and hopped to her feet. She rubbed her arms, moisture from the lake chilling the breeze that had kicked up. Lee's confusion dissipated into laughter when he saw her cup her hands to her mouth, the déjà vu returning.

"My name is Kara Thrace, and I love Lee Adama!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, trying not to laugh. "And I don't care who frakking knows!" she added, causing Lee to laugh even harder. She turned back to him, "I'm not gonna stop until you do it, too."

Still laughing, Lee stood and stepped up to her, taking her in his arms. He smiled down at her, then turned to face out over the water.

"Lee Adama loves Kara Thrace!"

They both succumbed to fits of laughter, subsiding eventually as they held each other. Lee leaned down, gently claiming her lips, and thinking he had never been so happy.

Yes, he had lost Kara, but she had come back. She always came back. As they slowly made love a second time, his thoughts were that they always seemed to find each other.

_This has all happened before, and it will all happen again._

_Fin_


End file.
